Let us start at the beginning...if there is one. For now, let us start where all humans started- in our parents' womb. Little bundle of cells with ignited life force powering every move and development. Two people came together and literarily co-created one life force. While we develop in our parents' belly, our cells take in information from our genetic coding as well as from the inside environment of our parents' bodies and the outside noises/environment too. Yes, there is a lot happening at all time. Cells continuously change and grow and shape in response to what is within and outside.
Later on, we can hear, feel people's feelings and their impact on our nervous system. Our very new little body is storing all information about what is happening. Before the baby is born they already know, deep inside, without a language, how they feel about existing in this world and in the family they were born into.
Children change rapidly. Growth, learning, expansion and constant change. What was the rule yesterday it is not today as we find out more about how the world around us works. Yesterday we knew fire is warm but today it burns, because it touched our skin.
Yes, you got it now. We change all the time. As children we only know what is available to us however, when something bad happens, even if we don't have a language for it or complex understanding, we know somewhere deep down that it was bad. Our bodies and unconscious mind know we need and crave caring, nurturing and respectful people and situations. We instinctively know what feels "ok" within ourselves.
The inner child is then all felt and unfelt emotions and experiences within our mind and body. Our feelings. In therapy, when we are working with the inner child it can mean many things: it can mean we are exploring and attending to an eight year old child experiencing distress and it can also mean we are attending exploring what that eight year old decided about the world, people and self. It can also mean we are exploring the layers of unhelpful beliefs to get to the deep knowing of what is ok for us.
During our fist few years of life we are continuously making decisions about ourselves, relationships, colours, culture we live in, other people, family, what does it mean to love. For very young children the world is all about them and they can understand the world, people, situations and self only through their own understanding. For example, if a child's parents divorced the child will know it is not their fault however, it will decide something else within. It might decide that bad things happen because life is bad, or it might decide that if they were to fix things and do better, it might bring parents together....somehow the child will believe they played the main role in this tragic experience. They will chose that belief because by blaming themselves they have the control rather than understand and feel powerless in the face of a tragedy.
There are thousands of beliefs we create without realising. In therapy, a person can start to connect with these feelings, beliefs and understandings to shift them.
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